Professional Training
Brigham Young University – Bachelor’s Degree In Neuroscience. Magna Cum Laude.
UCLA Medical School – MD Degree
UC Irvine Psychiatry Residency – Learned many therapeutic techniques to optimize mental and emotional strength and improve relationships
Personal Experience
I grew up believing a few important things.
My value was based on what I achieved. was responsible for the emotions of the people around me. I got pretty good at both of these things.
I did well in school, attending one of the top medical schools in the country. I became the type of guy that was a “friend to everyone,” rarely if ever getting into any confrontations.
When I got married, I heard the phrase “Happy Wife, Happy Life,” and it seemed like the perfect formula. To be a good husband, I just had to make my wife happy. Then, she would also make me happy.
By giving me the attention, appreciation and affection (sex) that I wanted. In the early days, this formula worked pretty well. I listened to her, paid the bills, helped with cooking and the kids, and she told me I was great and had sex with me.
But at some point, the deal seemed to change. I kept doing things to make her happy.
But she wasn’t holding up her end. She wasn’t telling me that I was an amazing husband. She didn’t seem very grateful for what I did. And we rarely had sex. So, I figured I needed to do more. I stopped spending time with friends. I gave up hobbies. I went with what she wanted in basically ALL the important decisions (money, sex, in-laws, parenting, religion, housework)…
But that didn’t help either. I still wasn’t getting the attention, appreciation and affection that I wanted for all my efforts. Our sex life dried up to nothing. At one point, we went for a YEAR with ZERO sexual intimacy. At this point I would go to my car and SCREAM in frustration. I was being such a great husband! Other people seemed to be able to see it. But, she couldn’t. I started thinking maybe I’d be better off with someone else… But eventually decided to stick it out… And FINALLY decided to figure out what actually WORKS to create PASSION and INTIMACY in a marriage.
And it is NOT trying to make your wife happy. It’s building STRENGTH. You see, women have ALWAYS been attracted to strength. In the old days, it was mainly physical and financial strength. These days, women are looking for a man who is strong spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually. As I started to build my OWN strength… And to STOP trying to manage my wife’s emotions… Something strange happened. I felt like myself again. I was enjoying my life again.
AND…
My wife was MORE attracted to me than EVER. Now, we enjoy more intimacy than I could have imagined (especially given her very extreme history of sexual abuse). If we can do it, you can do it.
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